how long can I hide?
Posted 10-10-08 at 10:31 PM by chosen07
I know, I know...this is definitely too soon to be posting again but I am finding some weird type of solace in blogging now. beware, this is a mini vent so this will be LONG!
sooooo, my new issue... the doctorate degree.
from the minute I walked across the stage in Dec of 2002 symbolizing the successful completion of my Masters degree, I knew the next step would be getting back to school to pursue the doctorate.
luckily for me, I didn't. I have now learned the lesson that timing is ultimately very important and although I may have had the title of Dr So-and-so...it may not have been in the area that I would have needed. Furthermore, the one thing that most doctoral programs look for (at least the programs I am interested in) is EXPERIENCE! now that I have a full 3 years under my belt...will be 4 years in April of 2009, I am sure I will have a more enticing application than 4 years ago!
I have so many issues with pursuing the doctorate that I have put it off and even kinda just thought that maybe its something I would do when I am older. You know...wait until I am in my late 40's, kid(s) are mostly grown, Dayton and I are more financially secure and then I pursue that dream.
BUT as much as I tried to sell myself that story, this idea of a doctorate keeps biting me. like literally every 6 months or so, I would randomly look at schools/programs and just kinda lust after them.
So back to the "issues". I'll list them for ease of reading..
1. there are no programs in the Bahamas that matches my goals. i.e. I would need to consider online programs or moving.
2. I tried the online program and I honestly don't like it. I found a blended online program but of course there are no assistanships, opportunities for scholarships and it literally works out to be financially more than living in a state and participating in a full-time program (without any fellowships/assistanships/scholarships)!
3. ummm I'm married. for me to move for school I would a. have to take my hubby or b. move alone.
I can't process moving alone, so that's that option down the drain and, my husband isn't very excited about moving simply b/c what would he do? the way the system is set up, is that he can legitimately be allowed to come with me, but he can UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be allowed to work. so he would be a stay-at-home husband and we would be living off of no income.
He CAN possibly enroll in some kind of academic program and do that, which will provide some other opportunities but I don't know that he is even interested in anymore school. that would probably be the perfect scenario but it would ask a lot of him..I guess.
so what do I do? I have had enough moments of lusting that I have stumbled over some financial options, however the best one doesn't provide an opportunity for me to pursue the program that I want to!
but guess what...since this is the year for me to "just do it"..yes, btw that's what I have deemed the rest of this year. I figured since I started, may as well take this through to the end! so with my "just do it" mentality, I am entertaining the CRAZIEST thought: apply for the freaking schools/scholarship (IF I can).
what do you think?
my logic is: 1. it doesn't hurt anyone to apply (just takes a couple dollars from me) and 2. by doing this, if I actually get accepted it forces both of us to actually think about options. my biggest fear with this isn't not being accepted (although I am quite the over-achiever), the fear comes with dreams being shattered. with me having to accept that maybe this is one dream I can't have (now) and I think that will kill my spirit. I don't have a problem with delayed gratification but of course, what better time to concentrate 2.5 years in an academic pursuit than BEFORE we get the kid(s), the mortgage, the 'ties' that bind so tightly we can't imagine moving...BEFORE that 'comfortable' attitude settle in and I become discouraged, unmotivated, disenfranchised at worst.
THE PLAN: all I need to figure out, if my GRE scores are current..if they are- then I will pay the $$ and apply to 2 programs. If the scores are not current then I will prepare to take them in Feb of next year and just try this again in fall of 2009...
whew! I feel so much lighter. I'll definitely keep you updated on what happens.
sooooo, my new issue... the doctorate degree.
from the minute I walked across the stage in Dec of 2002 symbolizing the successful completion of my Masters degree, I knew the next step would be getting back to school to pursue the doctorate.
luckily for me, I didn't. I have now learned the lesson that timing is ultimately very important and although I may have had the title of Dr So-and-so...it may not have been in the area that I would have needed. Furthermore, the one thing that most doctoral programs look for (at least the programs I am interested in) is EXPERIENCE! now that I have a full 3 years under my belt...will be 4 years in April of 2009, I am sure I will have a more enticing application than 4 years ago!
I have so many issues with pursuing the doctorate that I have put it off and even kinda just thought that maybe its something I would do when I am older. You know...wait until I am in my late 40's, kid(s) are mostly grown, Dayton and I are more financially secure and then I pursue that dream.
BUT as much as I tried to sell myself that story, this idea of a doctorate keeps biting me. like literally every 6 months or so, I would randomly look at schools/programs and just kinda lust after them.
So back to the "issues". I'll list them for ease of reading..
1. there are no programs in the Bahamas that matches my goals. i.e. I would need to consider online programs or moving.
2. I tried the online program and I honestly don't like it. I found a blended online program but of course there are no assistanships, opportunities for scholarships and it literally works out to be financially more than living in a state and participating in a full-time program (without any fellowships/assistanships/scholarships)!
3. ummm I'm married. for me to move for school I would a. have to take my hubby or b. move alone.
I can't process moving alone, so that's that option down the drain and, my husband isn't very excited about moving simply b/c what would he do? the way the system is set up, is that he can legitimately be allowed to come with me, but he can UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be allowed to work. so he would be a stay-at-home husband and we would be living off of no income.
He CAN possibly enroll in some kind of academic program and do that, which will provide some other opportunities but I don't know that he is even interested in anymore school. that would probably be the perfect scenario but it would ask a lot of him..I guess.
so what do I do? I have had enough moments of lusting that I have stumbled over some financial options, however the best one doesn't provide an opportunity for me to pursue the program that I want to!
but guess what...since this is the year for me to "just do it"..yes, btw that's what I have deemed the rest of this year. I figured since I started, may as well take this through to the end! so with my "just do it" mentality, I am entertaining the CRAZIEST thought: apply for the freaking schools/scholarship (IF I can).
what do you think?
my logic is: 1. it doesn't hurt anyone to apply (just takes a couple dollars from me) and 2. by doing this, if I actually get accepted it forces both of us to actually think about options. my biggest fear with this isn't not being accepted (although I am quite the over-achiever), the fear comes with dreams being shattered. with me having to accept that maybe this is one dream I can't have (now) and I think that will kill my spirit. I don't have a problem with delayed gratification but of course, what better time to concentrate 2.5 years in an academic pursuit than BEFORE we get the kid(s), the mortgage, the 'ties' that bind so tightly we can't imagine moving...BEFORE that 'comfortable' attitude settle in and I become discouraged, unmotivated, disenfranchised at worst.
THE PLAN: all I need to figure out, if my GRE scores are current..if they are- then I will pay the $$ and apply to 2 programs. If the scores are not current then I will prepare to take them in Feb of next year and just try this again in fall of 2009...
whew! I feel so much lighter. I'll definitely keep you updated on what happens.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Gia! I think you're doing the right thing. Once you apply then make the decision. Who knows what could happen between now and then. You might be able to find programs that you didn't know existed. Good luck!Posted 10-22-08 at 01:01 PM by cam0150
