I've always been told I have a good heart. I can see where that is true, so why is it that some of those very same people that says I do try to take advantage of it? I'm a really nice person, by my own admission, but don't get it twisted I can be a rea bh if need be. I guess you can call it the classic Gemini. Yup,I am a Gemini.

I've come to realize that when it comes to certain things and certain people I can't seem to say the word "NO". Or, I would but the good in me doesn't like to see others suffer, even if it makes me. After doing some serious research, I've come to the conclusion that it makes me an enabler. You can just call me , at times I try to be alot of things to alot of people, forgetting about myself. I've heard somebody say that it's because I don't love myself enough.. That's a damn lie, I love myself emmensly, hell I can be real vain, real shallow some days. But the truth of the matter is, I just can't stand to see people suffering. "God loveth a cheerful giver"- hm.. one of the songs we sang during offerings at church back in the day. I've always stuck to the thought, "be kind to others"..and we all know the golden rule, "do on to others as you would have them do on to you". What I don't get is how can people who claim to love you- and by that I mean friends, FAMILY, close loved ones take full advantage of that? Alot of people have put me on a pedestal and some of those very same people seem to try to knock me off when they realize I am not where they apparently like me to be. Hell, I've been telling these same people, I am who I am.... I'm just me.. I used to live my life trying to be the best I can for others, losing my sense of self along the way- now THAT was the time when I didn't quite know how to love me enough. Then I had a wake up call, and have been doing me the best way I know how obviously that's not looking too favorable in others' eyes and yeah they,for lack of a better word, are hating... I look out for alot of people, (maybe I should stop,but if I do, then am I really being true to myself?)but I don't see the same people anywhere around when I need their assistance. Unfortunately some of these people I can't just "cut off", can't thuroughly get rid of blood. I have a tendency to just "disappear" and go MIA sometimes then everybody comes looking for me, wanting to know why I don't keep in touch. It makes me question their sincerity, sometimes I feel as if they're just being nosey.. and of course I get all the speculations, the first thing out of their mouths, "what, you pregnant?" Really now is that what you think of me? I'm 27 for the next 6 months and I have no kids.. if everytime I disappeared or went MIA and was really pregnant, guess how many kids I'd have right now ponder that for a minute..

How do you know when you truly love somebody?

When that person becomes the only thing next to self that matters, when you'd do whatever it takes to make that person happy. When noone else matters no matter how good they look. When all you can do is smile whenever the thought of them crosses your mind. When you are concerned about their well being all the time. When, if to noone else, they make sense to you. When you can see them with you in every scenario you can possibly conjure up. When you miss them when they're not around you.When their voice can make you love em and hate em all in the same breath. When it's the little things that they do that makes you feel good inside. When they're the first thing you want to hear/see when you wake up and the last before you go to bed. When you can't live with or without em. When they're imperfections doesn't even matter. When you can see yourself building and progressing with them. When you want to grow old and gray and toothless with them. When you can and would die for them. When if they needed an organ that you can live with only one of, you'd give them the other half. Speaking of the term other half, God took Adam's rib and gave it to Eve, and they both had life and were complete...So have you found your Adam? I know I have. If all he needed was a half of a lung to survive, and I could survive with a half, I'd split mine in half and give it to him. Would he do the same for me? Despite how complicated and imperfect our relationship is, we've had this conversation and the answer, was a resounding yes. All these tests that we are enduring, only makes my love stronger. We're up one day down the next neutral the other..but when we get together and are on the same page it's beautiful thing.

I'm a very passionate person, I am passionate about the things and people I love. I take them very seriously. I am very passionate about my career.. There's an ultimate goal I am working towards, which fuels my determination, my drive;that everytime I feel like giving up and settling it won't let me. I wear myself thin doing it.I put in hours on end, busting my, sometimes it's unhealthy, and it scares me. I don't know how to quit. I try to do so much, I get overwhelmed. It becomes a problem because I don't know when and where to stop sometimes. My head is filled with so many ventures,so many ideas I try to incorporate them all. The hard part is, I try to them all by myself, again call me . My kryptonite is lack of encouragement and support- but where's mine. I get more encouragement from people I've never met, even the you need to slow downs, which I what I really need to do, than I do from people that've known me my whole life.

Life's funny isn't it?